Waves of Emotion

I heard about Surfers Healing-A Foundation for Autism from our good friend, Liz.  Her daughter, Tori, had attended the camp the past two years.  "Surfers Healing was founded by Israel and Danielle Paskowitz. Their son, Isaiah, was diagnosed with autism at age three. Like many autistic children, he often suffered from sensory overload-- simple sensations could overwhelm him. The ocean was the one place where he seemed to find respite."  The mission of the organization:  "To enrich the lives of people living with autism by exposing them to the unique experience of surfing."

This past spring, after being presented the opportunity to register Lauren for an upcoming camp, I decided to take the plunge and go for it.  After all, the ocean is one of Lauren's favorite places.  She will stand at the edge of the water, watching the waves go in and out, in and out, in and out for hours.  There is not any frustration, anxiousness or irritability when she is standing at the water.  It has a profound calming effect.  So why not?  It was a perfect opportunity for a nice getaway and the experience of a lifetime.  Without hesitation, I completed the online registration for the camp being held in September in Montauk, NY. 

There, it's done, I said to myself.  Then it hit me.  What did I just do?  Am I nuts?  I just signed my kid up for a camp that is going to have her going waaaay out into the ocean on a surfboard !  And, this camp is 6 hours away.  I have to drive there.  I have never driven outside of Pennsylvania by myself.  Oh boy.  After a talk with Liz, who assured me that the volunteers are professional surfers who are trained to do this and it will be ok, I settled down and waited to hear confirmation of her attending. 

A couple of months passed, then one day, there it was....the e-mail confirming that Lauren was accepted.  Wow!  This is going to be cool.  Then it happened....the feeling of doubt and fear came rushing back.  I talked myself out it, trying to focus on the great time we will have.  For the next 5 weeks, I went from excited to nervous more times than I can count.

The day before camp finally arrived.  I had familiarized myself with the route there and felt confident about driving, especially since Rachel and her friend Shannon were going along.  That afternoon, we headed out, with a car packed full of beach gear and snacks for the long trip. 

All was going well, the GPS was guiding me with the step by step directions.  Until........we went through the Lincoln Tunnel, heading into New York City.....the GPS signal was lost !  As we exited the tunnel, I didn't know which way to go, the signal hadn't picked back up yet and I needed to make a quick decision.  Do I go left or right?  Left was the wrong choice.  We ended up in the Port Authority parking garage.  Now what?  Spotting the exit out of the garage and seeing an opportunity to do a u-turn, we were out !  Next thing I know we are heading back into the tunnel, towards New Jersey !  Aaaarrrggghhh!  Are you kidding me?  After getting out of the tunnel I pull over and call Liz, who had already arrived in New York. 

"Where are you?", she asks.  "Hoboken", I answer.  "What the h*** are you doing in Hoboken?!", she replies.  Ummmm, you tell me.  After discussing the other options, it's apparrent that we need to go back through the tunnel (and pay the $12.00 toll a second time!).  So we start off again, this time, determined to not go into the parking garage.  Ahhh, we made it through the tunnel, again, but Ooops, I missed the turn for Interstate 495.  "Recalculating route" says the voice from the GPS.  The new route was directing us through downtown Manhattan to get onto the highway.  Really?  Yep, I drove with three kids through New York City.  Not much more to say about that.

Four hours after leaving home, we arrive at the hotel in Medford, NY.  It didn't take long for everyone to settle in to get some sleep before the big day.  Sleep, did I say sleep?  What's that?  Lauren wasn't having anything to do with it.  Every hour or so I would feel a little hand pushing on my arm and hear a quiet whisper, "Mom, morning?"  It was evident she was a little excited and I admit, so was I.

We woke to a beautiful morning.  Not a cloud in the sky, no humidity, nice breeze.  We pile in the car and start the last part of the drive to Ditch Plains Beach in Montauk.  After about 2 hours of rocking out to loud music (remember, I have 3 teens in the car) and enjoying the scenery of the northern Long Island coast, we arrive at the beach.

Fortunately, we got there just in time to see Tori catching a wave and finishing her time on the board.  Seeing that eases my mind that all will be fine.  Lauren gets outfitted with her life jacket and I am feeling pretty good.   But that feeling didn't last long...."Lauren", I hear someone call her name.  It was her turn.  Whoa, really? Now?  Ok, here we go.  We are introduced to her surfer companion, Bucky, and he and some other volunteers give Lauren brief instructions and a pep talk.  Then, off she goes into the water.  At first, she hesitates and starts to whine and wants to get out of the water.  But the volunteers don't give up that easily.  Before I know it, she is laying on the board with Bucky behind her, paddling out into the Atlantic. 

To keep my mind off of what is really happening, I hide behind the lens of my camera, taking dozens of pictures of my little girl floating on a surf board, hundreds of feet away from me, in the ocean.  Suddenly, I hear clapping and shouting.  I look up.  There she is, riding the waves!  I join in the celebration and watch in awe as she and Bucky make their way back to shore.  I focus on the smile on her face as they paddle the last few feet to the beach.  It is something that will forever be in my memory.  My girl is happy and that's all that matters.

For the next few hours, we hang out on the beach, enjoying the sunshiny weather that couldn't have been more perfect.  I look around the beach at the volunteers and other families and feel blessed to have been a part of this event.  The generosity of this organization and the volunteers renews your faith that there are good....no, great! people in this world. 

As I start to drive home, I think back on the waves of emotion I have felt the last few months and days.....excitement, fear, elation, nervousness, confidence, lost, frustration, anxious, happy, inspired, sad and back to excitement.  Sad that we had to leave the most fantastic experience ever, yet excited to do it all again next year !! (but next time, I know how to get there !! )